New Parent Forum

In our effort to balance very full and hectic lives with our families and our jobs, we may have been neglecting an all-important facet of our child’s life:  their emotional well-being.  The first three years of a child’s life is a critical time for a child, and the trauma of changing child care providers or having a ‘part-time’ parent float in and out of their life can be very traumatic and destabilizing for them.  It’s imperative that parents, educators, involved adults and care providers make a concerted joint effort to ensure that a child’s emotional needs are met on a daily basis, just as their physical needs are.  The effects of not meeting a child’s emotional needs, especially during the first three years of life, can have devastating consequences. Violent, disruptive or defiant behaviors can result.

The first three years of life are critical in a number of ways. This is when bonding and emotional separation takes place.  If there are interruptions in either of these processes, misbehaviors from the child can result. This can later have an affect on their relationships later in life and hinder them in developing their own healthy relationships as adolescents or adults.

During the first three years of life, the brain goes through its most rapid development ever, the likes of which will never been experienced again. By the time they are three years old, a child’s brain is already ‘hardwired’ from the experiences they’ve had to that point.  It’s imperative that these be loving, supportive, safe, positive experiences so the brain will be conditioned to expect positive things.  If they’ve been frightening, hurtful, abusive, or dangerous, then the brain is conditioned to expect negative occurrences.

Therefore it’s critical that parents, caregivers and other involved adults make a concerted effort to make sure the child’s emotional needs are met in a positive, constructive and healthy manner.  Parents should ensure that the child’s care providers are stable and consistent, and don’t move them around to different childcare providers during this important phase. Ensure a child feels safe and secure with structured and consistent schedules and routines.  Be sure to spend as much quality time with your child at this time as possible, regardless of your otherwise busy and hectic lifestyle.  A child can sense that such a schedule is stressful to you and it can become a frightening or confusing element for them.  Therefore it’s important to take time out to reassure them that you’re never too busy for them.

Remember that your child’s emotional well-being is just as important as their physical, so do your part to ensure your child knows he’s growing up safe, secure, treasured and loved.

Let’s face it.  There are just some days when it would just seem easier to let your child have his way than feeling like you’re fighting a losing battle when trying to discipline them.  They beg, plead, cry, barter and scream - anything to get out of doing the time for their crime.  However, don’t lose your strength and your will during this time.  It’s times like these when consistent disciplinary action is imperative to teaching your child positive and acceptable behaviors.  There is no room for negotiation when it comes to bad behaviors and there should be no room for exceptions when it comes time for punishing misdeeds or bad behavior.

Hopefully before any misdeeds occur, you’ve sat down with your child and discussed the consequences of misdeeds and inappropriate behavior or decisions.  Be concise and consistent when discussing these consequences so that when the time to implement them comes, you can follow through with ease.  Children are classically testing the boundaries and limits set on them on a continual basis, and the temptation to ‘bend the rules’ just once or twice can be overwhelming when they’re really trying your patience.  But be firm yet fair.  Emphasize that this was the understood consequence for this particular misdeed or inappropriate action, and that now is not the time to negotiate.  Afterwards, take time out to discuss the situation with your child, and if it seems that perhaps a consequence that worked at first isn’t working anymore, rethink that punishment and negotiate with your child.  Of course, parameters that are set for their well-being or safety should never be negotiated.  But in other instances, it may be time to develop a new consequence based on your child’s age, temperament or maturity level.

It’s also imperative that your spouse and any other adult caregivers are all on the same page and following through on punishments with the same level of consistency and clarity.  Should you determine that what was once working isn’t working anymore and develop a new parameter, be sure all adult caregivers are brought into the loop so that follow through remains consistent and clear.